New for the Insufferable Crypto Wealthy: a $100k Swiss Wallet-Watch

Let me guess: You’re in the market for a $100,000 watch. And you need a way to protect your $10 mil in crypto. We get it. We’ve been there.

Thankfully, a luxury Swiss watchmaker, A. Favre & Fils, is creating what they call “the first Swiss handcrafted mechanical timepiece with a built-in crypto-currency cold wallet and state of the art proprietary security solution.” They told CoinDesk that it should cost between $100k and $150k, which seems reasonable.

“We have developed this first timepiece with the idea of offering something useful for the crypto-community, not simply something to spend their money on,” said the CEO of A. Favre & Fils, presumably with a straight face.

You just became the person who bought a $100k crypto watch, which means you need to do things like start using “winter” as a verb.

At face value, maybe a $100k Crypto Watch is ridiculous. Yet the idea might be worse than you think. If you buy this watch, there are at least three problems:

1) You just became the person who bought a $100k crypto watch, which means you need to do things like start using “winter” as a verb. We’re going to winter in Turks and Caicos, and then summer in Borgo Santo Pietro.

More substantively:

2) Luxury watches are meant to be timeless. This is what they bring to the table. A. Favre & Fils traces its lineage to 1718—the year Orrin Hatch was first elected to the Senate. When you splurge on a luxury watch, you’re paying a premium for something that will last decades. Blockchain technology is not timeless. It’s new. Crypto wallets are still adding new features and upgrades with every iteration. What are the odds that the wallet you buy in 2019 is the wallet you want in 2024?

A modest declaration from the watchmaker’s web site

3) The purpose of a crypto wallet is to keep your crypto safe. I’m not a security expert, but I would guess that, ideally, the wallet should be stored in a safe location. I don’t know the best location for a crypto wallet, but I can think of the worst: ON YOUR WRIST THAT IS FLAUNTING A $100,000 WATCH. A luxury watch makes you more likely to get mugged. If you get mugged, they will steal your watch. If they steal your watch, they have just swiped your crypto wallet.

In the most charitable interpretation, perhaps it’s a good thing that classic, buttoned-up companies are dabbling in blockchain. Maybe this spurs adoption. And on the security front, presumably there are passwords and safeguards against a burglar actually accessing your crypto. Yet the entire concept feels like hiding the family jewelry in the glove box of your Lambo, and then tweeting “I’M HIDING MY JEWELRY IN MY LAMBO!”